What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
