I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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