i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
