he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
