If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
