halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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