My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
