This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
