there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
