Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
