Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
