I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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