the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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