Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
