Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
