I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
