all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
