I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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