it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
