Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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