I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
