Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
