I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
