It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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