I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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