I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
