Can i not drive my cunt home
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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