i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
