Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
we should paint friendship bongs
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
