Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
