I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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