I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
