Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Found your dick twin last night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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