you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
