i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
