Will you blow on my dice?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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