I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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