I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She's JV to your varsity
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
