If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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