Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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