No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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