i don't like sucking hair
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
