next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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