He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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