Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
