I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize