As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
