I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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