This house was built for laser tag.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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