i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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