Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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