alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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