Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
