yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
