My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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