My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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