Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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