Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
