Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
