i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
