Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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