WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
