I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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