I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
