He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
