everyone is single if you try hard enough
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
