other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
