I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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