these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You are a genius and a whore.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
