im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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