The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
