Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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